Give Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Today was the beginning of the holidays without Ben. It wasn't as hard as I expected it to be but it was still extremely difficult. I kept thinking back to all the Thanksgivings that Ben and I had together. Our very first Thanksgiving we spent with Ben's parents. We hadn't even been dating a month yet but I was staying in Valpo and needed a place to go since my Grandma had gone to Florida. The night before Ben and I went to my Grandma's house and borrowed her kitchen where we made an apple pie to bring the next day to his parent's. I remember it was just Marla, Terry, Ben and I because Jenna was still in Santa Fe. I don't even think I had met Jenna yet. The next year Ben and I were engaged but we spent Thanksgiving apart, each of us at our own parent's home. I remember it being very difficult to be away from him and I decided that I never wanted to spend Thanksgiving apart again. The next year was the first Thanksgiving we shared as a married couple. We stayed in Minnesota and had it all by ourselves. We went all out though making a turkey and every other thanksgiving food imaginable. Ben also picked up so Apple Spice Lienenkugel's which was the new seasonal beer that had just come out. We took a bunch of pictures of us and even one of Ben pretending to carve the Turkey because I really did it. We e-mailed them all that day to our families so they could share in our feast. The next year we spent with my parents and then last year we spent with Ben's again and I was extremely pregnant. My baby shower was even that weekend. No matter what our holidays were always memorable. We had a good time and never took for granted that the holidays were more about spending time with eachother than having a perfect cooked meal or buying the perfect gift, not to say that we didn't try to achieve that too. One of Ben's favorite things to do on Thanksgiving was watch football. Actually in life that was probably one of his favorite things to do. Today was the first time I could bring myself to sit down in front of the TV and watch a game. I couldn't stay for long because it was just too hard but I did it and am proud because I know that is exactly what Ben would have wanted me to do. After everyone had gone home and the kitchen was cleaned my sister, mom and I also sat down and played a game of Jenga. I was so happy that we did this because Ben always was wanting to play games with our friends and family. It never failed that when we would go home to visit that Ben would be asking Jenna and I to play a game of scrabble. He loved games and so it just felt right to spend some time doing what Ben loved. Today there was so much to give thanks for. I have said many times that 2008 will probably be the best and worst year of my life. I am so thankful that I have recieved an amazing gift in my son Raider. He has been such a blessing to my life and made me such a better person. Also I am extremely thankful for my family and that my sister and I have become so close through our children. This year I have learned a lot about life and how precious it is. I am so thankful that I had to opportunity to have known Ben. He has given me more than any one person I know. I truely married and amazing man that touched every single person he met. I am so blessed to have called him my husband and to have spent six years with him. Some people live there whole lives and never find what Ben gave me. I am so blessed. I also give thanks for this blog. Through this blog I have been able to verbalize a lot of what I am feeling and going through. I would not have been able to get through all I have and what I continue to go through without having this place to write everything out. Also through this blog I have felt more love, care and support than I have ever felt in my entire life. I know without a doubt that there are people who are thinking about me on a daily basis. Also I truely believe that God has used this blog to speak in so many ways. I don't know how many times people have said to me that they found strenghth in reading the blog or were inspired in some way. I know without a doubt that this is not of me. I know that some of you reading this blog may not believe in God and that is okay, but if you want to know how I manage to get through this every day all I can say is that it is faith. On this day of giving thanks I want to once again thank you for taking time out of your day to read my thoughts and remind me that I am not alone in this journey.